seeking peace of mind

I get so distracted by so many things. I never thought I dislike the city until I spent a week in the desert.I came back home wanting to go back to that peaceful setting. Seeing all the buildings, crowded streets, construction signs, and people wanting to be superior than others, I wanted to run away from all of it.

My mind was all over the place. I’d just acquired so much information, but didn’t really take the time to think about them and develop them in my head. So, I was left confused; not knowing how to act, not knowing what to think, not knowing where to start, not knowing what say… I had written so many drafts about various topics since I came back, just to let those thoughts out but never published them because I felt like everything that I said sounded pathetic.

What I wanted to think about and focus on was overshadowed by what I needed to think about at the moment to survive (work). So, I kept on putting off reflecting on that new knowledge. Whenever I tried, I got distracted by other things. Or I just try to put it off and not deal with the emotions I was feeling because I had to keep it together. I avoided it by entertaining myself with shows and games even though I knew I shouldn’t avoid what I was feeling.

Because my foundation was not strong, I got so affected by outside noise.

A few months ago, I was working on building that mental strength every single day. I felt so much better and thought I handled various situations better. When I thought I was strong enough, I just went on autopilot. I didn’t spend time reflecting on my day anymore because I thought I didn’t need to. I didn’t think about what other ways I could improve because I thought I was already good. Then, one day, it just started to go downhill, again.

It’s like building your endurance when running. You’ll improve the more you train, but once you stop, you have to go back to square one or you keep taking a step backward until you realize you have to train again.

I think I need more time for myself, and so I booked a solo trip.

When you feel like you need a break, don’t be afraid to take one.


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